RAMBLINGS IN THE ATTIC OF THOUGHT

Leveling.
a term describing
my excuse for diss - missal
of what defines you.
giving me power to
denigrate
obliviate
obliterate
manipulate
and generally make you invisible to the naked eye.
I pretend to see through you...
but I'm not lookin,' really.
I'm not tryin' to reach
back for you.
you don't see things
the way I do.
and without sameness
I am weak
I cannot speak
and I was told my voice won't be heard anyway.
I was not informed:
perfection is not required
because it does not exist
in this human realm.
it becomes an oxymoron just by definition.
Much easier to
minimize
criticize
won't realize
that we just might be wrong this time?
no one showed me:
how to stop labeling
that one mixed
this one white
that one wrong
being black as night.
How did we become
defined by what houses us all the same?
since none can chose his race, her color
exactly who is it we should blame?
and in the bliss of my ignore - ance
I never asked if
a sun-baked tan changes who I am.
do dreads,
and nose rings
and my talk
of "bling"
make me an undercover brother or an unoriginal imitation of life?
when I call you " my sista"
is it because we connect
when I call you "my brotha"
am I showing respect?
or part of my hypocritical scam based on need or want?

copyright 2005
E. Joyce Moore

THE LOVE OF LOST SOULS

The brightness
of the day
shines
with new clarity.
Each breath I take
is sweet with the new revelation:
I am loved.
Confusion.
Mixed with the
familiar dull pain.
Angry clouds of frustrated thoughts
are stifled in my throat
with no ear to ask the question
Why?
I am now transparent
as though I never was.
Replaced
with the illusions created
by jealous whispers.
A secret affair in the mind of one.
Love that cannot be retrieved
once given
fades to a dark whispered thought.
Still
no one
to ask the question
Why?
Retrospection yields clarity.
A search for the flawed image
is required by those
who cannot conceive the
Why?
when they are loved.

MY METAMORPHOSIS

I change my clothes
I change my hair
I change my shoes
But you don’t care.

I change my self
Just to please you.
But when I don’t
What should I do?

Ah, here’s a thought
Not yours? Oh well.
I’ll change my mind
And please myself.

A VIEW FROM THE ICE

When you met me
did you decide
who I am?
by the length of my hair
or the knot in my tie?
Do you describe me
by the size of my waist
or the shade of my brown?
The brand of my shoe
or my vertical grace?
Do you love me
for the colour of my Visa?
or the terms of my beams?
Am I invisible without
the importance
of what is like you?

THE BEHOLDER

In your eyes
I see
Reflections
of the beauty
that you see in me.
From your touch
comes the warmth
of the summer sun.
Your voice
so quiet, low,
and gentle
caresses my mind
with your thoughts.
You have left
your heart open
inviting me in.
In your love
I am free.
Assume the position
From the moment you emerged
Cryin’ as though you already knew
That you might be exchanging
One temporary confinement
For another.
Being black, being male
Totally out of your control
But you came anyway…

Assume the position
That being black and poor
And stayin’ in the "hood"
While your mamma’s prayin’
And she should
Though she done all she would
Not knowing that she could
Question
Why you were left back and put in that "special class"…
when you could read the cereal boxes at age two.
But you…

Assume the position
Peering out of half-lidded eyes
As you stand on the corner cutting class with the guys
For the fifth time
One week into the semester
Pants hung low
For reasons you don’t know
Ask James…he’s out on probation this time.

Assume the position
You with indignant stares
Why, how would they dare
Pull you out of the lineup
Flying friendly first class
To stand spread eagle.
And we smile.
‘cause it’s you this time
being defiled while profiled
But…
you assumed your position.

Assume the position
That conspiracy’s real,
Reparation won’t heal
And they aren’t gonna give it to you anyway.
‘Least not without a fight.
No forty acres
But sixty percent of those back on the plantation
Look like you.

Assume the position
That you are the smarter
With knowledge it’s harder
To put you in that cage
they keep building for you
While they sell you to the highest bidder
As cheap labor.

Assume the position
That before things get right
You must change your fight
To a level playground.
With zero tolerance for those who make excuses
For the deliberate lack of knowledge.
Ignore – ance is not bliss.

Assume the position
That the choice is yours
To get down on all fours
Or stand on two feet
Be a man – not my "nigga "

‘Cause you become his
Every moment you allow him to
Define you.

REQUIEM OF LOVE

The warmth of the sun
came fromyour touch.
The gentle caress
of a warm breeze
wraps
your arms around me.
Your voice
Roars with the
beauty and strength
of the ocean.
You are gone
and
it grows cold.

BLINDSIDED

I didn’t see you coming
And I’m usually
so very careful.
I didn’t see you coming
Like out of a dream.
Of God?
Of chance?
Of the moment
None to tell.
I was so safe
In my cocoon.
Not a thought
To be given
Of one like you.
Not for me.
Then we connected.
In mind, in spirit.
You took the loneliness
I had owned
And made it dreary
And sad
I cry to God
I say why to give me
A moment of joy
Only to leave me
To myself
In the darkness of night.
My bed has grown weary
With my tossing of emotions.
I didn’t see you coming.
I say to God, to me
Have I failed yet again?
Please, no, stop asking.
No sound heard but the silence.
How cruel the irony.
Yet no love
But in the hope.
Hope fades.
I didn’t see you coming.
Had I known
I would’ve…

Soulmate

There he was.
My first thought whispered:
it was him.
I knew before
a word was uttered
between us.
He had been in all of my dreams.
But this is reality
where I want to live.
Our words leave me
in the air.
To fall or to fly
is the question.
I am in a place
where time
won’t allow me
to wander in wonder
if or if not.
The simple truth
must be spoken
Or
I will continue my walk
alone.

HAIKUS FOR RELATIONSHIPS

Change
Inevitable.
When you don't walk what you talk
Past becomes future.
Wrong Turn
What was I thinking?
Having a child won’t change this.
And now he’s left me.
At the Last

finally you call.
no courage for truth: you lose.
and you will miss me.

At the Beginning

you were heard and shown.
closure is not rejection
just a step forward

Untitled

You didn’t hit me with your fist
but with the blow of each word
I was beaten down.
Now I cringe at the sound of your voice
throwing up my emotional hands
In futile effort
of saving myself.
You’re smart.
Enough to know
that the internal bleeding
of my soul
cannot be detected
in the emergency room.
That your attack
of my heart
won’t show up on x-rays.
You rape me
with fear of implied measures
you have as eternal options.
You didn’t break a single bone.
You broke my heart.

PROMISES

I lay here
As the promise of a new morning
Shows its first light
Hearing the dove cry
Is it mourning for me?
You promised…
Eyes full of tears,
As pleading cracked your voice
You promised…
To love, honor, cherish me
‘til death do us part.
You promised…
Beggin’, pleadin’
Just last week
You promised…
Not to hit me again.

Requiem to the Lost

You see, they wouldn't listen. And now...
they play their usual sad song
once again the victim of …whatever
the day brings.
You see, they wouldn't listen. And now...
the words they use to defend
the offender
taste bitter with the salty tang
of blood that tends to flood
the mouth when slapped
with the back of the hand
or punched with words that
would make a real man cry…
You see, they wouldn't listen. And now...
when you tell them the consequences
of believing honey-dipped I'm sorrys - which is
probably their only spoken truth --
well-designed to lure them back
into the depths of a hell
only a fool would believe in,
they look at you and sigh
about how you "can't understand
why… he needs me."
Or "but I love him"
Love? That you
cannot define? As you recline
on the floor where he slammed you?
You see, they wouldn't listen. And now...
I deliver this eulogy for
all of those who believe
in staying too long,
realizing too late that the
door was always open
just as the final blow
is delivered.

A SPIRIT DISHONORED

Betrayed.
How fierce the wall of pain
when the icy shards of reality
course through my essence.
Trust.
Blown to hell
burned in the fire.
Flamed by
the desire for power --
Or prophecy self-fulfilled.
Ashes.
I will rise again.